Friendships and Hardships

There is one thing I will always strongly believe in and try to live by every day which is to love yourself for who you are and not for how much the people around you do. In school, I often see my peers changing to become the ideal persona that seemingly everyone loves.

"In school, I often see my peers changing to become the ideal persona that seemingly everyone loves."

I did this within my friend group. I was teased for being loud or wearing what I like to wear. This gave me a mentality that I need to be like everyone else and caused me to want to blend in. I got quiet and anxious around my friends and thought diligently about my every move. This mentality negatively affected me as it wasn’t who I was as I was typically a loud person who liked to joke around. I was told that what I said was dumb and I couldn’t wear what I like to wear because I would be copying someone who I didn’t even care for.

"I learned as years went on that those people who shut me down and teased me for what I like to put on my body aren’t people that I should surround myself with."

I learned as years went on that those people who shut me down and teased me for what I like to put on my body aren’t people that I should surround myself with. Being teased for things I couldn’t control made me think that who I am was awful and made me wish I could look like or act like someone else even if I knew It wasn’t in my control.

I found healthy friends who I enjoy being around and who help me view myself in a positive light. I may not be someone everyone likes and that’s okay as long as I make good decisions and I am okay with myself then that’s all that matters to me.

I learned that you have to be okay and accept yourself for who you are and realize that you will never be happy with yourself if you try and conform to what you think everyone likes. I would take the negative things that my peers would say about me and blame myself. I would hear people say, “I get sick of her very easily,” "You are just a lot to handle,” or, “She is very annoying at times,” and be disappointed in myself for my poor behavior.

"I realized that trying to keep friends who make me think that who I am as a person is annoying or too much to handle was self destructive."

Throughout the beginning of Junior High, I thought maintaining relationships was easy but, I soon realized that it’s not as easy as it seems and stressing about trying to keep several friendships was too much for me. Having just a few close friends made it easier to stay focused on the things that truly matter, such as school. I realized that trying to keep friends who make me think that who I am as a person is annoying or too much to handle was self destructive. In the friendships I was trying to maintain, they saw me as an irritating and sensitive, problematic person and frequently comment on these personality traits of mine and make me feel bad about myself.

I tried to change to what the people around me would think of as an ideal person to be around. I did this by trying to be quiet all the time and keeping even my respectful opinions to myself. I put more thought into everything I did. I held in my emotions because I was afraid of getting called sensitive or a cry baby. I did not realize that being myself was not wrong and I didn’t need to change for the people around me. What I really needed was friends who liked me as the individual I am and not criticize me for being myself.

"Being made fun of and criticized for being myself then changing my mentality made me a stronger person."

When I found those friends who understood and loved me for who I am, I started to grasp the concept that I deserved better. Being made fun of and criticized for being myself then changing my mentality made me a stronger person. It helped me endure any challenges I faced after the fact and helped me not depend on what others think of me or how many friends I have for happiness. Before, I would always think the more friends and the more popular I was the happier I would be. This was reflected as I realized my past friends would talk poorly of me behind my back or verbally attack me on issues I wasn’t aware of until it all came pouring out at once. I quickly realized that not everyone is your friend and not everyone will stick by your side.

"Whether it’s 1, 2, or 15 friends, it’s quality over quantity and the people who diminish your confidence don’t deserve to have you in their life."

Everyone is changing and I found the people who I deserve in my life and deserve me in their life. Whether it’s 1, 2, or 15 friends, it’s quality over quantity and the people who diminish your confidence don’t deserve to have you in their life. I believe your mistakes and your faults make you a stronger person and we are constantly growing emotionally and spiritually. I truly believe that no matter my situation it will always get better. Thinking positively about myself reflects in my actions and has made my life better.